a major change...literally.

Yes, it's true. I changed my major from Biochemistry (pre-pharmacy) to Accounting. This change seems pretty crazy and surprising and random to a lot of people, I think, because I seemed so dead set on what I was doing. Well, that's true and not true. I was dead set on pharmacy because it's where I felt God was leading me. I was looking into medical missions options or ways that I could use pharmacy to minister to people in lesser reached areas in the States. It made a lot of sense. I'm pretty good at chemistry, interested in medicine, have a desire to help people, and want to use my career to reach people for Christ. I think I've always had some hint of doubt about this path, but I just thought it was the kind of doubt that I deal with in every decision I make. My doubts weren't driving me crazy or anything; they were just there, just a little bit. The more I thought about applying for pharmacy school, going through pharmacy school, and ultimately becoming a pharmacist, the more that doubt became more than just the normal hint of decision-making doubt.

A month or so into this semester, my small doubts turned into undeniable thoughts about changing my major. I started looking into other majors and kept coming back to accounting. I love math and records and spreadsheets (nerdy, I know), and I'm confident that God will open doors for me to work in a place where I can get involved in a local church and local ministries, whether that's near home, across the States, or in a different country. I've prayed about what I can do with my life to bring God glory for years, and the more I've prayed about my future, the more God has shown me that I don't have to fear "missing out" on his will. It's really easy for me to think, "What if I should persevere through hours of chemistry and biology labs to do what I thought God was leading me to do from the beginning? What if I'm totally making the wrong change? What if God has something else in mind for me?" but every time I think something like that, I know those what if's are not necessary. They are not beneficial to me. Actually, they are detrimental. My Father loves me. I am His. Only good things come from Him. If I'm seeking HIS face (rather than seeking His specific plan for my life), He will not fail to finish what He has started in me. I believe it. Even more, I believe that God has used the classes I've taken and the people I've learned with to prepare me for my future, even though chemistry has nothing to do with accounting. With that (that God is using my classes to prepare me for my future, not that chemistry has nothing to do with accounting) in mind, I'm finishing Organic Chemistry and Physics this semester. Yeah, it's been fun.

Nevertheless, I keep these verses in mind as I make this change:

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" James 3:13-15

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing, and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"Rejoice always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

So truly, I don't know with any certainty what three years down the road will look like for me. I don't have to. I don't have to act like I know. I do know, however, that as I seek the Lord, He will renew my mind, and I will be transformed more and more daily to be like Him. As I know Him more, I understand His will more. But essentially, Paul lays out God's will for every believer in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. I think if we can grasp that, God's will works out in the specifics of our individual lives.

I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!

Thought I could get some new readers with that title, and I couldn't resist the Elf reference. But really. I'm in love with someone who loved me first, before I even knew he existed--before I physically existed. I heard about him, and I told him I would think about him when I was old enough for my relationship with him to matter, and he still loved me. I knew that I needed him but chose to keep him at a distance, and he still loved me. He pursued me. He pursued me, and I rejected him--more than once. He was patient. I finally acknowledged my need for him, and he welcomed me in without hesitation. I've gone through times where I've forgotten him--I've forgotten who he is and who I am because of him. By forgotten, I don't mean I completely stopped thinking about him or even talking to him, I just let knowledge of him hang out in my head rather than resonate in my heart. I didn't know how to love him or even really be loved by him when I just knew about him; now I love him and receive love from him because I know him. Knowing him means transformation from the inside out. Knowing about him makes me want to make myself more like him. I've tried to change myself and failed. But knowing him makes me more like him. He makes me more like him. I don't make myself more like him. No, no. He makes me more like him. Every day when I step outside I'm reminded of the greatness of the one who loves me. I see the sunrise and know that he painted it. I see the bright leaves and am mesmerized by his creativity. I can't get over him. On my own I'm distracted, anxious, impatient, selfish, but he loves me. Even when I forget, he doesn't. So, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it! I can't get over the love of my God--my God, who loved me when I said no to him, who put on skin and took the wrath of God for the sins of the world so that I could know him and worship him without shame, who continues to amaze me day after day. 

Who is this God to you? Are you over him? Has his story become cliche to you? Have you known him and forgotten him? Has he seemed too far away? He knows you, and believe me, he wants you to know him. The thing that blows my mind is that he loves you as personally and individually as he loves me and every other person he made. Yeah wow. 

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" 

          1 John 3:1

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 

          Jeremiah 29:13 

take notes

So last blog, I talked about listening. Let me follow that up with another important lesson I learned this summer: take notes. 

 Like I said, I learned a lot over the summer. I learned a lot about myself, about God, about living in community, just a lot. As I learned to listen to what God was teaching me, and as I continue to do so, I've realized how important it is to write these things down. When I go back and look at what I've written down, it's fun to see where God taught me something that blew my mind or where I had questions or prayers that God has since answered. Also, looking back helps me to remember and apply what I'm learning. Writing things down is such a good way to document God's faithfulness, as official as that sounds. At times when I need assurance, I can look at something from my own life on paper and remember that I live for a God who keeps His promises.

like trying to fit the ocean in a cup

It's been said that trying to describe God in words is like "trying to fit the ocean in a cup" (from a Josh Wilson song, 3 Minute Song). Well, somewhat similarly, I've been hesitant to blog about my summer because words do not sufficiently convey my experiences as a summer staff volunteer at JH Ranch. However, I want to share about what I learned over the summer. I won't even try to do so in one blog, even in ten. Over the next few months, nevertheless, I'll be doing the best I can to fit the multi-volume encyclopedia of what I learned and experienced over the summer into short (ha) blog posts.


First thing I would say I learned: Listen.

After probably a few days at the Ranch, I started to realize what value there is in merely listening. I would find myself sitting on the couch in The Bean (one of the girls staff houses) listening to girls from my age to a few years older than me, from different colleges, different parts of the country, different stages in life, talk for hours. I learned and gained so much just from listening to the life experiences, perspectives, and opinions of these awesome girls.

In addition to learning the value of listening and learning from my friends and peers, I learned how to better listen to teaching, in small and bigger settings. And by this, I don't mean that I am more able to sit still for long sermons or more able to remember what I'm taught. No, I mean that I learned how to approach opportunities to be taught--opportunities to learn. I acquired (even more than what I already had) a hunger for more--more truth, more wisdom, just more. And even more now that I'm home, God constantly reminds me to keep my ears open and to stay hungry and expectant. I approach classes, chapels, sermons, etc. with a kind of expectancy that I haven't had before. This semester alone, God has answered questions I've asked and taught me so much through a conglomeration of my classes, chapels, and church services. Literally a conglomeration. That part is important. These classes, chapels, church services, even conversations are great on their own, but the Holy Spirit is teaching me not only to listen to what's being taught but to listen to what He is teaching me. This means all day every day, classes, conversations, speakers, songs, books, you get the idea...my ears are attuned to the One who shows me truth. My brain has been like a big messy tangled game of connect the dots recently. Every time the Holy Spirit helps me make a connection in my overloaded brain, the picture becomes clearer. It's kinda fun. And it's only because I'm listening.

Insufficient Words

So I've been trying to crank out a post for awhile now, and I think I've just had too many deep yet incomplete thoughts in my head to produce a coherent post. However, I was looking through my old posts and drafts and realized that I started the post below literally a year ago and never finished. So here it is:

"Over the past couple of years, especially after my mission trips to Zambia and having read Crazy Love by Francis Chan, I have been fascinated by the thought of Heaven. I think Heaven is often either fantasized about to extreme levels or thought of as only the place of escape from hell. We get really excited about what we want Heaven to be like, or we just hope Jesus will let us in to avoid the fire. Heaven is so indescribably much more than a place with all of our favorite things and all of our favorite people. God is there. God--our Creator, our Savior, our Lord, the righteous judge who sacrificed His Son so that we could have a right relationship with Him, bringing Him glory with our lives--is there. We will meet Him. We will worship Him FOREVER. This thought and my own accompanying thoughts formerly scared me. Francis Chan brought up some challenging ideas in Crazy Love and so did John Piper in Don't Waste Your Life, as I have discussed on one of my other posts. Basically they challenge the reader's motivations. Does your salvation only matter because of your desire to go to Heaven rather than Hell? If you went to Heaven and God wasn't there, would you even notice? As I read these kinds of questions and thoughts awhile back, I realized that I put much more value in the fact that Heaven is a place where all my brothers and sisters in Christ will be and where there is no sin--which is definitely awesome--than in the fact that Heaven is a place where I will worship God, understanding fully who He is, with all of the people he has redeemed. I realized that, yes, I knew Jesus as my Savior and Lord, but I did not know Him in a way that I could imagine spending eternity worshipping Him; I didn't understand how truly amazing he is, how much he loves me, how worthy he is of eternal praise. When I came to this realization of the flaws in my perspective on Heaven, I decided to get more into the Word so that I could better understand why I worship God and so that I could have a closer relationship with Him. As I have studied His Word and prayed, He has shown me even more how truly great He is and how worthy He is of our eternal praise. I now think about the day when I will stand before Him in worship along with those he has purchased from every tribe and race, and I look forward to the day because He is so worthy of all nations' praise. It's hard for me to express how beautiful this picture is in my mind and in my heart."

I'll be honest and a little harsh. It makes me almost angry when people talk about seeing loved ones that have died or asking God questions about why he made mosquitos or ants when they get to heaven. I look in Scripture, and I don't see verses that tell me I will for sure see my loved ones when I get to heaven. That doesn't mean that I won't, but I just don't see it in Scripture. Maybe I'm just totally forgetting some verses or have never read them, but I don't think that's the case. Unfortunately, it seems that there is not much specific information about what life in heaven will be like for us. Nevertheless, the passages below say to me that what matters is that my God, my Savior, my Creator is there, and I will finally see him in all of his glory. The curse of sin will be eternally broken, and there will be no more suffering. I don't know about you, but I feel like at that moment the only thing that will matter to anyone who has been redeemed by the blood of Christ will be the glory of God.


John 14:2 In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

Revelation 19:6 Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.
8 Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.”
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)
9 Then the angel said to me, “Write: ‘Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!’” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”

Revelation 21:1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 22:3 No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. 4 They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. 5 There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.


P.S. For those who might be offended concerning my wariness about seeing loved ones in heaven, I don't think there's anything wrong with believing that, but when seeing loved ones becomes more important that seeing Jesus, I think that's the problem.


Eagerly awaiting the day when God's glory will be undeniably real to all people

Emily